Techniques for coping with grief as a domiciliary carer

As a domiciliary care worker, it is likely that you will experience loss as part of your role. To better understand how to manage loss and stay resilient as a caring professional, Nursebuddy has partnered with Serenity Coaching for an exclusive webinar for frontline domiciliary carers. Speaker Jeanette Fornwalt, founder of Serenity Coaching, explores ways to navigate the challenging aspects of grief and equip you with tools to cope with the emotional demands of being a care professional.

Jump to:

• What is grief?
• How do care workers experience grief?
• What are the benefits of processing grief?
• What are techniques for dealing with grief?

What is grief?

When we experience a loss, the feeling we go through is grief. We grieve the loss of connection, for the separation of someone or something that meant something to us. Grief is a completely normal experience and is not a problem to be solved, but is the range of feelings we have on the inside which we can find difficult to express. Grief has many faces and emotions - you may experience sadness, despair, numbness, guilt, anger, or rage.

Although grief is a common and universal experience, the way in which each person processes grief is very individual and we all deal with it in our own way. The important thing to remember is that grief comes and goes in waves and some days will be better than others. Healing from grief is not a linear journey - it’s not like recovering from an illness, where you will go through the different stages and recover and be completely back to normal. We are often completely changed by our grief, in both positive and negative ways.

How do care workers experience grief?

As a domiciliary care worker, you will spend a lot of time with clients and build up a close relationship with them, even a friendship, as you become more familiar with each other.

We experience grief not just when someone passes away, but for a whole range of losses such as missing someone if they move to a different location, if they need long-term care in a hospital or care home, or through the worsening of a health condition such as dementia as the person may fail to recognise you anymore. You also may experience changes in your own life, such as being placed on a different shift pattern or taking on a new position, and not seeing clients anymore due to these changes in conditions.

These are all significant losses in their own way, and should be treated and respected as such. You will also feel empathy for the family’s loss and being there to support them.

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Coping with grief as a domiciliary carer

What are the benefits of processing grief?

It’s important to heal grief as all emotions should be expressed in a healthy manner. We usually freely express our happy emotions, but not our sad ones. Yet it takes a lot of energy to suppress difficult feelings and this can lead to issues such as feeling exhausted, irritable, and feeling under pressure to show up and be there for everyone when underneath you feel torn up inside.

It’s therefore healthy to express your feelings of grief in a safe and supportive way. Each time you allow difficult emotions to be felt, you are also allowing healing to happen. By taking one step, and one day, at a time for the gradual integration of your loss, you can accept more of the reality of your loss. This allows you to move forward in life, alongside realising how you’ve changed and what you’ve learned about yourself through your grieving journey.

What are techniques for dealing with grief?

The first thing we will feel in a situation of grief is shock. To deal with grief in the moment, we need to calm the nervous system.

Here are a range of tips for calming the nervous system:

• Take a moment to acknowledge your grief - there is a lot of pressure to keep going, especially when you are at work, but it’s important to take the time to recognise what has happened and process it. If you are able to, go for a walk or sit in your car and have a moment for yourself.

• Speak what is true for you - say it out loud to yourself or speak to someone else about how you feel. Acknowledge that you feel shocked, sad, or angry.

• Allow yourself to cry - to release endorphins.

• Use the sense of touch - wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug. Or if you don’t feel comfortable doing this, place a hand over your heart. You can also tap your vagus nerve very gently with the tip of your fingers.

• Do breathing exercises - breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, and as you calm down you will be able to breathe more deeply into your diaphragm.

• Drink a glass of cold water or eat a protein rich snack such as a banana or nuts.

The foundation of healing from grief is self-compassion. We are taught to be compassionate to other people but not to ourselves. Think what you would do to support a friend, and do that for yourself.

There are various ways you can look after yourself:

• Allow space and time for your grief as needed.

• Take part in grief support groups or calls for extra support.

• Send a card to the family if you feel this is appropriate.

• Write a letter or journal entry to the person who has passed away. This is not to be sent, but to help you to express your feelings and pull them from your mind onto a piece of paper.

Find further support resources from Nursebuddy and Serenity Coaching. With the Nursebuddy app, you can rate at the end of each shift how you are feeling, what happened and why. Serenity Coaching offers a range of free resources for coping with and healing from grief, which you can explore. 

Jeanette Fornwalt is the founder of Serenity Coaching, specialising in grief support for care workers. With years of experience coaching those affected by loss, Jeanette provides compassionate guidance on managing grief, calming the nervous system during emotional distress, and recognising the signs that grief is taking a toll. Her work emphasises the importance of processing grief in a healthy way to avoid burnout.